ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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