Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize