You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
