I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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