She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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