Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
