she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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