dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
