how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
