There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
