good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
