I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize