I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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