Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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