I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
