I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
