Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
