i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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