Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
