All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize