he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
