never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
