you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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