Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
