just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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