My room smells like vodka and shame
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
