I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
