his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
