After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I touched a dick in church today
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize