He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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