I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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