just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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