so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
