ya dads aren't the best wingmen
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
how does that bad decision feel?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
