If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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