in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
