i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
