All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
