If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
