I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
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