I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
