Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize