Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
