u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
