Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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