I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Found your dick twin last night
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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