Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
