if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
