That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
