I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
