The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I wear drunk well.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
