I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
