How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Please, let me fuck your mom
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
