I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize