I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
