Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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