Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(703): View more from Virginia

Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.

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(630): View more from Illinois

Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.

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(304): View more from West Virginia

You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon

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(763): View more from Minnesota

My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.

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(226): View more from Ontario

I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.

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(210): View more from Texas

I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.

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(310): View more from California

Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.

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