My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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