Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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