Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I just found puke in my bra..
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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