So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
