I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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