just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Randomize
