I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize