I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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