I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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