I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
