Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
